Falling Off The Wagon

𝙄𝙛 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙁𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙊𝙛𝙛 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙖𝙜𝙤𝙣 – 𝘽𝙚 𝙃𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝘼𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙄𝙩.

This man, had no idea who he was talking to.

He might as well have been reading from a script.

I wasn’t interested in drinking, or falling off wagons.

I’d also decided, it was time to be honest with myself, and everyone else involved in my near downfall.

Getting my car keys back, and moving forward, that was my priority.

After seven weeks in hospital, unable to balance or concentrate properly.

My doctors said no driving, until they gave permission.

In a few weeks, one doctor, asked me to speak to AA.

I was prepared to do anything required, to drive my car.

Before pausing to ask, what’s your story?

He’d immediately put me in a box.

With all the other “ALCOHOLICS”.

That didn’t sit well, meant little to me, or help.

Was I to stand up, say my name, then, I’m just like you?

I’m not, I’m unique, as we all are.

Following what he and others did, wouldn’t get the results I was looking for in life.

Discussing the people I’d hurt, during the years I spent abusing myself and alcohol, was also unhelpful.

It was me, who’d been passively killing himself, because I hated pretty much everything about life.

Surely, there might be a thought, there could be other issues in my life, not just drinking alcohol.

There seemed to be little interest in how I’d felt.

No mention of my working/family life, relationships, trauma, stress, or my overall health.

Importantly, there was no discussion on building a new life, with, or without alcohol.

We did briefly discuss my niece and nephew.

How the thought of them, having to deal with me no longer being alive, upset me.

They would not lose someone they as I had.

At my lowest, they were all I did

Everyone else, had let me down.

So, not only am I a Company Director, who disagrees with the Outdated Dogma of AA.

I had no INTENTION of doing anything other than becoming the healthiest and most effective version of myself.

I would only focus on changing my perception, and rebuilding my life.

Create healthier relationships, push boundaries, understand myself and perform, like never before.

I wanted to life, and live it, not