Empathy differs from sympathy, when we are sympathetic to someone. We have compassion for them, an example would be, feeling sadness for a loss they've experienced. With empathy we put ourselves in their position, experience what they are experiencing, it's a personal understanding of the situation.
When we live in survival, it means we are naturally focusing on ourselves, our own well-being. So, if we are living under the hormones of stress, we have a narrow focus on life. There are many people living like this daily. We all have friends that are suffering also, if our friends and ourselves are going through this in life, then why not the people causing us pain, our enemies?
When we take a step back and allow ourselves the time, in a calm manner to think about our situation. It seems reasonable that this is what could be happening. When we are blinkered by emotions, such as anger, we find ourselves unable to look at the situation from a different perspective.
We tend to take situations personally and it's difficult to admit, that the situation could be different in anyway, to the way we see it. There can be more complications when it comes to relationships, and unforseen variables, we are totally unaware of.
When my own counsellor said "they have issues of their own" I'd not constructively explored that statement, instead simply deciding it wasn't my fault.
Discussing the issue with my coach, he said, "You were likely causing as much grief to the people involved, as they were to you"
This doesn't mean that we have to believe they are good people, unfortuantely not everyone is. One thing to bear in mind, some people will believe they are, it is a matter of perspective. If you value your health and well-being, distance yourself from the people you are involved with, a conversation with them would be beneficial, using an arbitrator if required. The most important thing being, find a way of dissolving and resolving the situation in an amicable way.
We shouldn't necessarily condone other people's behaviour either, some people will be fully aware of what they are doing and why. By placing ourselves in their shoes and looking at the situation from their perspective, using insight from our own. There is more likelihood we will allow ourselves to accept what is or was happening. Remembering this is about our happiness and well-being not theirs, that is a matter for them to resolve.
When we've acted in way over a period, we have likely upset and affected people that we have interacted with. These people may never condone our behaviour, or how it affected them. There is nothing we can do about that, as with our own situation, it's in the past.
Over time it is perfectly feasible to believe, the way people involved behaved, acceptably or not, will become irrelevant to us.
Accepting what happened, allows us to move forward, becoming happy people. In the longer term, however we felt during the experience, forgiving everyone involved, including ourselves.
I understand, this concept can be tough to accept. The thought of being able to forgive and forget, anything that I'd experienced, was alien to me. I was full of rage, at ' the way I'd been treated ', this was something I felt, I would never do.
When we accept, holding on to anger, hate and negativity, will only lengthen the time, it will take us to move forward and transform our lives. The decision to let it all go, becomes a much easier one to make.
Forgiveness of others, and ourselves, is extremely important, it enables us to move forward in life.
It's amazing what we can achieve when we have to. When there is a necessity for something, it's far easier to motivate yourself. On achieving something, we gain that sense of achievement, we feel good. Once you've experienced that feeling, applying it to continue achieving is a great way to motivate yourself.
The long-term aim being, we become self-actualised, self-motivated. Enjoying the activity we are currently participating in, whatever that maybe. Without the need of any prior feeling or experience to achieve this.
One of the biggest decisions we have to make, is to change. When we find something that makes us feel good, giving us that sense of achievement, that's a fantastic start.
Sometimes we find it difficult to start on the path, this is where we need to look for activities that we have had an interest in previously, or look for something which is real challenge to us, something new. If we don't have a go at something, how can we ever know if we will enjoy it.
It doesn't have to be physical, it can be anything that you have had any interest in. I've recently witnessed a friend, getting a huge sense of achievment from passing exams, something that he didn't do when he was younger, but was clearly capable of doing.
Sometimes it takes time for us to motivate ourselves, where we may be motivated in one discipline, not another. Let me help you, we can discuss options, what would be an applicable activity to achieve a goal.
When we form relationships associated with these activities, we add friendly accountabilty. Employing a coach, a PT for instance does this, it adds a positive to the experience of change, we form a partnership.
It doesn't take too much time, before we only need this relationship, when we are really stuck with something we are attempting to achieve. Not on a regular basis, we are self-motivated.
Talking with people, it seems many of us are becoming demotivated at work. This is something we can discuss, why is this happening? What would be the best course of action to resolve the situation?
Our working life becomes more difficult when we aren't motivated, this is something we must address in order for us to enjoy our working lives, and life in general, as much as possible.
Negativity and conflicts of perosnality, do seem to be a real issue when it comes to demotivation in the working environment.
Changes in attitude, beliefs and perceptions lead to us becoming motivated about work and life, where we see positives before they happen. This change starts with us, hopefully leading a change across the board.
The ability to manage our states of energy, emotions, thoughts and behaviours in an acceptable, effective way. Enables us to produce positive results in such things as our well-being, loving relationships and learning. Our capacity to deal with our stressors when we don't achieve this, is diminished, without it we lack a firm foundation for dealing with all other activities.
To begin with, we are obviously genetically coded. Our DNA, being created from both our parents DNA.
Before we are born, in the third trimester of pregnancy, we are also being programmed, our mothers environment, is reflected in our development.
When we are born, we are the purest version of ourselves. We then begin to learn properly, mirroring our parents, or people close to us, being taught how to behave and fit in with society. Parents, teachers, friends and our environment, have a great affect on who we are, or who we seem to be.
I've never really known myself, that's clear. How many of us do?
Sometimes it's difficult for us to see anyone else's point of view.
Have you ever spent time pondering who you really are?
What drives you?
Why do you act and behave the way you do?
How about, how other people perceive you? Where this shouldn't have an effect on the way you feel about yourself, we live in society and we interact with people.
Learning about our personality, gives us a greater understanding of who we are. Why we do behave in the way we do, and why we are comfortable doing it, even if it is detremental to us.
More self-awareness, knowledge of ourselves, gives us a platform to make decisions about life, learning about our strengths and weaknesses.
Do you really know what you are capable of?
Understanding our emotions, what they are telling us, why they cause us so much drama, allows us to learn how to not react to them.
In order for us to be succesful in life, we need to understand not only our own emotions, but the emotions of others. Lacking this ability means we will experience a lower quality of life. Mastering this leads to us getting the best out of other people (not manipulate) and ourselves, ultimately a more fluid life.
When we listen to people, we don't have to agree with what they are telling us. Offering them the opportunity and giving them your attention, could lead to us gaining information we aren't aware of.
This information could be good or bad, it is up to us, to react to, or act on, it.
This is something I did personally, listened to friends’ opinions, gave them some thought, then made decisions based upon those thoughts, as to what would be the best course of action for me ongoing.
You have the power to transform your life, accepting that your personality got to where you are today and it is your personality that will get you to where you would like to be. With guidance, you can achieve what you want in life, becoming as contented as you have always wanted to be.
A good friend.
A good friend of mine said this to me, "Your personality got you into this, it's your personality that'll get you out of it" I didn't really understand what he was telling me at the time, I don't think I liked it very much. Thinking about it now, this was probably because I was still blaming other people for where I was in life, I get it now.
I'm fully aware of who I was when I left the hospital, what was driving me forward. Adament I was going to achieve the goals I was setting myself, all the negative energy and thoughts that were propelling me. They were doing it in the right direction and that was all that mattered.
As all this was going on, I began to become positive. Then came the realisation, I needed to leave all the negativity behind. Once I'd let that go, everything became seamless.
To know yourself is an enjoyable and enlightening experience, I also talk about this under career advice, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, what drives you, why do you feel comfortable acting the way you do. Learning not to take things personally, how to deal with your emotions, and what do you believe your core values are. Become motivated, able to deal with situations and other people you meet in life.
Give me a call, we can have a chat about it.