A Co-active partnership.
We all have the potential to achieve what we want. The answers to what we want to achieve, being within everyone. All possibilities are open to us, we just need focus, and a path to them, if they are to be realised. Sometimes we need guidance along that path, and help focusing on it.
I am passionate about helping people on their journey, to witness them become contented in life. Dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, or any other issue they might be facing, which is preventing them moving forward. My goal is, to observe you achieve everything, you didn't have the confidence or inclination, to even think about achieving in your past. I would like your permission, to help you attain your goals.
It doesn't matter where you are currently in life. You cannot change your personal reality (life), unless you change your personality. You must leave the old personality behind, if you want to create a new personal reality. This however doesn't mean, to manufacture a new personality, it is to find your true personality or self.
Everything starts with a thought.
Because I've been there, and I believe you shouldn't have to be. I'm here to guide you, help you make decisions about your life. To aid you, fulfilling your aspirations, witnessing you become contented.
I aim to provide you with professional life coaching, using knowledge gained from my own life and learning.
As your coach, it is not my place to tell you what is right or wrong for you. It is my place to listen to you intently, establishing what it is you want from life. To help you find insight into what path you take to achieve it.
After I've listened deeply to you, your back story. Once I understand how I can help you move forward. Offering advice and providing a framework for you to grow personally. Motivation and support where needed, to help you become more aware of who you are, your strengths and weaknesses.
To move forward and achieve what it is you'd like to achieve, you need the necessary emotional and social skills. A clear vision of what it is you want and where you would like to be. Let's discuss this...
What do you want to happen differently, or specifically do you want?
Are you prepared to do something differently, in order to achieve it?
What are you prepared to change/no longer have in order to achieve it?
Have you shared your dream with anyone?
List the rewards for you achieving your goal?
What is preventing you from achieving it now?
What are the consequences for not attempting to achieve it?
What are the potential consequences of achieving it? Friends/Family/Co-workers etc?
When do you want this to happen, also where and with who?
What are the first steps to achieve what you want?
There is a distinct possibility that you don't have the answers to these questions, or you wouldn't be on this website. Some 'lucky' people, who seem to have everything, know what they want and go get it.
There are others that have a good idea what it is they want, lacking the confidence or motivation to achieve it.
A large percentage of people don't really know what they want, knowing rather, what they don't want.
Where would you place yourself here?
Goals - Intentions - Visions.
You next need to clarify your goals and visions, exploring and documenting them. There are ways to achieve this
Think about what captivates you?
Is there anything you can do better for yourself, that you are currently doing for someone else?
What knowledge or resources do you currently have, that you can utilise to achieve the outcome you desire?
What additional knowledge or resources would you need to aquire, in order to achieve it?
Who do you know, that could help you achieve your goal or vision?
How are you going to get there?
Remember diet, family, fitness, it's not all about work.
Your health, well-being, and who you will become, while you are enjoying the journey, is of the, utmost importance.
It's just a goal.
For me, goals work, they simply do. I plan and I set goals, that’s the way I am. If I hadn't done this after leaving the hospital and every day since, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. Admittedly I had a break from being this way, I was focusing on completely the wrong things. Fortunately, this is how I was when I was younger, if it was in me then, it would still be in me now.
I have different ideas on achieving my goals these days, more varied, less intense. Also, discussing goals with my father, the phrase, work smarter not harder came up.
I still have a picture in my mind, and whichever means I use at my disposal, I utilise them, to move forward.
Where I believed, the goals I was setting myself initially. Were fundamental to me moving forward, and a way of achieving outcomes. After a while, I understood that they were all contributing to the end goal.
Ulitimately, becoming authentic, ending the internal conflict and suffering. Doing things, I feel I should be doing, not what I think I should be doing. Also, gaining inner peace, something I'd not experienced in years.
Achieving these, allowing me to further my pursuit of creating a new career, sharing my story, and serving people.
Goals by the wayside.
We have all been there, myself included on occasions in my twenties. We set a goal, maybe a new year's resolution, we are going to get fit and or lose weight. So when the summer arrives, we can look good at the beach, for instance. Although I don't remember ever saying, I'll change my life in any significant way.
The problems with traditional goal setting, for many people are: -
We aren't realistic, we set too many goals and have no idea where to start with them all.
We have no structure to our goal setting, or how we are going to achieve them. Jumping from one to the other, becoming disillusioned and achieving none of them.
If you have too many goals, it's difficult to remember them all.
Too many goals, simply equates to not enough time.
We don't possess enough will power or motivation to see them through.
The enthusiasm simply wears off.
Not everyone is the same, some people set themselves goals, others achieve what they set out to achieve in different ways. This is something, they could be good or bad at, possibly something they just don't think about. Methods might have been developed from a young age, or over time, if these methods are not working, we need to address this. Find out why, discuss ways in which we can move you forward.
Again, I discuss confidence, motivation, and self-actualisation, on the moving forward page. I can help you move forward, reach your goals, also discuss your goals. You might find your ideas on them changes, I know my own have.
I have a vast knowledge of personal and professional relationships, experiencing extremely negative and positive interactions, with many people over my forty-five year life and twenty plus years in business.
Relationships in business can be difficult, or they can be easy. In our own business they were difficult, for many reasons. This makes our working lives, unenjoyable. Dealing with people within our, and other organisations, subsequently analysing the dynamics of the relationships. Has given me great deal of insight into the way people behave, in the working environment.
Managing to produce many healthy relationships with customers and suppliers alike during this period, dealing with customers under stress, while being stressed myself. Learning lot's about professional diplomacy, and how people act under these circumstances.
I have obviously covered my working life experience, throughout the website. Clearly, I possess an understanding of, reacting to, the working environment. Also, the feelings employees, or partners, experience, due to our thought processes. The anxiety, depression and stress, brought on from our perception of that environment.
Discussing our working relationships, before the disintegrate, is highly beneficial. It makes the difference between, leaving, or remaining in our current employment.
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We have many thoughts on what we believe to be the perfect relationship. Very often, we are attracted to a potential partner for the way they look or behave and then attempt to change those attributes.
We look at all aspects of our partners behaviour, and we judge them on it. Believing we become disappointed and unhappy, because of their actions, and that they are not fulfilling our needs. Comparing their actions to the perfect ideas, that we have invented.
Our partner is likely to be unaware, of our ideal thoughts, on their behaviour, that we hold. We expect them to simply understand and act appropriately.
By discussing and dealing with relationships on an emotional level, allowing couples to become more aware of their own needs within it, enables them to become more authentic. Allowing them to explore the intricacies of the relationship and any unconscious behaviour that may be sabotaging it.
Personally, my experience of relationships growing up, was one of compromise, with my parents having disagreements and finding an acceptable outcome.
Witnessing other peoples relationships as I've gotten older, has slightly changed my opinion on the subject. Where it is wonderful seeing two people still happy, after fifty five years together. I have also experienced people, that hardly communicate with each other.
We are living in an age, if we weren't previously, where we realise circumstances, and we as individuals change. No longer, do we live as our parents, or grand parents did, where we remain together, no matter what.
We have our own needs, things we want out of life, sometimes remaining in the relationship, where we simply exist, can be detrimental to us.
By looking at the relationship from a different perspective, discussing it with an impartial person, and changing our way of being in that relationship. It allows us to make decisions with more clarity, basing them on things you 'want' to do, rather than things you 'ought' to do.
It is not the responsibility for one person within a relationship to maintain it. There are two people involved, who are a couple, a pair. That responsibility, lies firmly with those individuals, sharing it equally between them.
As I've mentioned, we have a 'perfect' idea of how our partner should behave, and that they are probably unaware of it.
We also, tend to make assumptions, attempting to please, or control our partners, based on, what we think they want. Plus, it is distinctly probable, that we are not party to our partners deepest fears, worries, or anxieties. The only thoughts we are privy to, are our own, making up half of the relationship.
Although my romantic relationships were never, very healthy. Primarily, due to my behaviour, be it conscious or unconscious. We were frequently together years, and there were some extremely enjoyable experiences. It's also amazing what you learn, particularly when they are going wrong, and interestingly, after they have ended.
Once they are over, it allows us the opportunity to look at the relationship, from outside of it. Where we are not apportioning blame, and we have examined our own behaviour during the time together. We can gain a better insight and understanding of the person we had the relationship with.
We are so focused on ourselves during the relationship, how we feel, and what our partner isn't doing to help the situation. While tending to forget about asking on a deeper level, why they are acting the way they are. Making assumptions, and getting angry and frustrated, at the way they are treating us.
In my experience, as soon as the argument began, I'd mentally be running the other way. Arguing, blaming and making excuses, anything to get away from the conflict, and inevitably doing what I did best.
On quite a few occasions, when I knew, I was overstepping the mark. I'd manipulate the situation by purchasing jewellery, or presents. Firstly, because I enjoyed doing that, secondly, because I knew it would be difficult for them to remain angry.
Over the years, I believe I have gained invaluable knowledge on romantic relationships, both during and after them. It can be beneficial, in some instances, to work with both of the partners in a relationship. This however, should never be done, with both partners in attendance at the same time. Each person involved, is on their own unique journey and it should be dealt with as such.
The first relationship.
When I left the hospital, I wasn't realistically going to be in a place where a relationship was viable.
As it transpired, I was with someone for quite some time, not long after leaving it. I'd been with this person when I was younger and had seen her on a few occasions, since being with her. It's important to point out, she had also been married for some time, and while she was, nothing untoward happened.
This gave me an opportunity to bring this to its finale. One way or the other, either this person would be in my life, or not. We were together many months, in which, I spent a great deal of time, with her and her young daughter. Mostly it was an enjoyable experience, one where I felt, there could be a future together.
As time went on, it became apparent, it would be more difficult, if not impossible to have a healthy relationship in the longer term. When finally I made the decision, it was never going to work out, and ended it. I thought, well, at least I have the answer to that question.
I'd not been moving forward in life romantically, for many years. Always comparing, one to another, and wondering what if. Never letting anything go, this relationship was clearly never meant to be. We were both coming back to it, when our other relationships weren't working out.
It's quite apparent now, these relationships themselves, required more attention, which wasn't invested. With the work I've done, transforming my life, I possess a much better understanding of this. That situation though, had been going on far too long, and required a resolution.
Don't allow this to happen in your life, there is no need to lose the person you want to be with, because you have unresolved issues.
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After this experience, I understood that I wasn't really in a place where I wanted another proper relationship. Although this was pointed out before hand, this is what happened, I became involved in another relationship. Spending time with someone when you are still unable to commit to them, whether you believe you've 'told them' or not, isn't fair on the other person involved.
It's taken time for me to feel, that emotionally, I'm in a place where I can make a commitment to someone.
I believe we attract who we are, also that nothing will complete me, conversely, I will not complete anyone else. The way I feel now, is whole, and will only ever want a relationship, where two consenting adults are participating in creating a successful partnership.
Taking responsibility for themselves and the outcome of that relationship. Sharing a life together, while allowing each of us, to do our own things.
From the offset, I'd had a plan, an agenda, to rectify situations and relationships that had gone wrong in the past, family, romantic and social. This would be achieved in whatever way possible, and always with the aim of moving forward.
Realistically though, the most important things to me were always going to be, my recovery, fitness, what I was going to do about my current situation with work, and generally constructing a new balanced, sustainable life.
The experience of family relationships being on the dysfunctional side for many years, and being able to re-build them, means this a subject I know a great deal about.
All the important relationships with old friends also being re-built, plus the creation of numerous new friendships. Along with the, 'count them on one hand' philosophy, gives me useful knowledge in this area.
Last but certainly not least, there is the healthy new relationship, with me.
Help with Alcohol.
Dealing with life using alcohol, is a subject I have an enormous amount of knowledge on, I can help you with all the aspects of this issue.
If you have read my, Addictions page, under about me, it'll give you some insight into my relationship with drinking.
Are you a member of the, five o'clock club, who doesn't get home until gone eight o'clock?
Does alcohol allow you, to be you?
Do you think you're drinking is getting worse and you're not sure why?
Do you find yourself justifying how much you are drinking to people?
Are you beginning to believe your own story?
Whatever your issue with alcohol, I've more than likely seen it.
If you are concerned about your level of alcohol consumption and need to talk, contact me.
Help - Building Self-Confidence.
We require self-confidence if we are going to suceed, if we are going to set 'real' goals for ourselves. Lack of confidence leads us to inactivity, or setting weak goals. Building this gives us belief in our own ability to achieve something.
Help - Boosting Self-Esteem.
Healthy self esteem, enables us to have a positive regard for ourselves, self-love. Without it we have a negative outlook on life, with feelings that we lack compitence to cope with life. The world is against us.
High self esteem, means we believe we are not victims, we are in control of our lives, we are valuable.
Developing - Self Awareness.
We've talked about the components of self-awareness, by building more of it, you will become more effective personally. It'll also enhance your ability to deal effectively with other people, in both a personal and professional environment.
I can help you.
I can help you with everything discussed, develop all the necessary skills, provide you with the tools, to lead a successful life. Success is a very personal thing, or should be, become someone that knows what they want out of life and how to go and get.
The next thing to do, is make the call, it's only a conversation. What do you have to lose?
Tel :- 07494677126
email :- email@example.com