That’s a question we don’t ask ourselves.
It’s a question I asked myself 12 years ago,
my why didn’t change; my perspective did.
Adaptation and Conditioning throughout our lives lead us to believe we must be a certain person
to be accepted and survive.
Competition is good; you must move forward
every day, be better than you were yesterday
are commonplace comments – WHY?
When I decided to create a new life,
as I rebuilt myself – healed.
Firstly, I accepted where I was, unable to walk
unaided, with hardly any muscle mass
I didn’t make this, almost dying, or my past experiences my identity; I created a new one.
I’d never thought about how I lost my identity
when I was younger, moving schools twice.
When I clashed with coaches/teachers and
gave up on playing sports and music.
As they enforced rules that weren’t about me
and my enjoyment; it was about them.
It’s control dressed up as standards.
This was a pattern in my family, romantic,
and business relationships.
Why won’t you do as you’re told?
My friends and lifestyle
offered relief from the pressure.
In 2014, it was imperative that when I transformed myself, I did it intentionally,
from the inside-out,
using the resources I’d been using to survive in a hostile world all my life,
to become a version of myself who accepts,
and loves himself – life itself, not living in
overdrive, needing mechanisms to find peace.
I was living in sympathetic dominance all my life,
prenatal/preverbal trauma, emergency surgery at 18 months old,
then functional freeze, because it had been left unaddressed for too long.
Blaming myself for this would be ridiculous and unproductive; I didn’t know any better,
I’d normalised living this way.
I fought my way through chronic stress, anxiety, frustration, insomnia,
then burnout, shutdown, and collapse; my whole system broke down,
this is why I ended up in an ICU at 40.
Understanding that change would mean across the whole system was crucial,
it’s how I became – Integrated – Regulated – able to FLOW.
Nervous System – Mindset, Emotional,
Physical, and Spiritual Growth.
Cycling changed my life,
and I continue to change my life cycling…
Fresh air, nature, solitude, meeting amazing people, making friends, spending time with others I want to share my energy with.
It’s allowed me to maintain my
fitness across my system,
it’s never been a distraction
Importantly, it’ll never be a part of my identity.
Who would I be without it?
Each time I’ve attempted to live up to a survival identity in the past, it ended in disaster.
How do you want to feel?
Who do you want to be?