๐๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ฎ๐น ๐ผ๐๐๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ, ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฑ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ…
All I understood, pretty quickly, drinking alcohol meant, I no longer had to feel the way I did about life, I could change it in no time.
By 30yrs old, I’d been doing this so long, I’d no idea how to live without doing it. In reflection, I also had no intention of finding out how that might work.
๐ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ผ๐ฝ๐บ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐๐๐ผ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฑ, ๐บ๐ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ด๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐’๐ฑ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐บ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฑ. ๐๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐น๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฎ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐๐น๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ผ๐ฑ๐.
Constantly stressed, highly aware of “threats”, defensive, reactive and looking for my next drink, or something to buy, that would do the job of making me feel better.
Another decade of “living”, existing this way, with the anxiety, depression, anger, hate, self-loathing, drinking, drugs, disease, collapsing, a Near Death Experience and finally waking up in a hospital bed.
Offered me an opportunity, this time I took, to look at myself and life, like never before, this I’m grateful for.
๐ช๐ต๐ผ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐, ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐’๐ฑ ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐, ๐ต๐ผ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป, ๐ต๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ด๐ฒ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ, ๐๐ต๐ผ’๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐น๐ฎ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ถ๐?
I’d never have imagined, when I started out on this journey of change, where initially my focus was firmly placed on developing a better relationship with myself, others, life and alcohol/addictive behaviours.
I would become open to, accepting and understanding of other perspectives, life and how it actually works.
How our body, brain, mind and spirit work together, our ability to create and heal, while we collaborate with, not fight each other.