Success and "Addictions".
This is a topic of conversation that comes up often.
Many experts and professionals throw around the words addict, addiction, and alcoholic.
I understand why; they are people who care about others' health and well-being.
Some of them also suggest that labels must be ignored, which implies a contradiction.
My argument has always been that a high achiever like you has an unhealthy relationship
with activities and substances; that you are attempting to match the intensity of your inner world
with your outer world; you are using mechanisms to return to balance.
You Don't Accept These Labels.
I have spent my life surrounded by high achievers and performers,
and I haven't met any who would accept them; I certainly wouldn't.
Personally, I believe it is ridiculous to talk down to anyone, particularly
a high achiever who knows what taking risks is all about, and tell them
why they should stop drinking alcohol, for instance, firstly because
"you don't need alcohol to have a good time, relax", or because of the risks.
You already know, don't you, you can feel it?
This is no different from overexercising, scrolling, or spending; eventually the mechanism will fail.
Your health and well-being will also fail, because you've been using mechanisms to mask the real issues.
Many High Achievers have Issues.
They Aren't Sharing with You.
Over the years, I've spent thousands of hours with friends in bars, clubs, pubs, restaurants, parties,
on month-long trips away, on weekend tours, and in business functions.
Interestingly, the levels of alcohol I was consuming were acceptable to most until I crossed
an imaginary line in their model of the world.
We were all drinking heavily for many years, together, laughing, joking,
and reinforcing our shared identity.
Life happens; some have children, move on, or away, or decide this lifestyle is no longer for them.
They change their habits; when we are discussing alcohol, they possibly aren't drinking less,
they are drinking elsewhere, probably at home, some mindful of their responsibilities.
A friend once said to me that a silver stopper for a wine bottle is a waste of time, isn't it.
Once the third bottle has been opened, you aren't putting it back in the cooler, are you.
The same friend said that I had a drinking problem because I sat at a bar with other friends
drinking all evening until the bar closed, and all day on weekends.
Each morning, we both got out of bed, went to our office, and did a day's work.
It would seem that we were both drinking too much, but didn't wish to look at ourselves.
It Starts and Ends with You.
Happy people don't drink, exercise, work, have sex, scroll, or spend excessively.
Being a high achiever usually means that you spend your time in high-pressure environments
where there are other high achievers, with big personalities, who are probably living in overdrive.
Sympathetic dominance, functional freeze, driven, successful, achievers
who attempt to control outcomes.
Your nervous system has two branches: the sympathetic (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), and the
parasympathetic (rest, digest, heal). The system is automatic and adaptable.
Adverse childhood experiences, negative life experiences, and trauma left unresolved
affect how the automatic system switches between the two branches.
In my experience, there was generational trauma, in utero, prenatal, and preverbal trauma,
before my life in the world started, plus many other negatively impactful experiences
which are discussed on the site, along with the usual conditioning by parents,
siblings, peers, teachers, and society.
I entered the world primed for a hostile environment; I'd been bathing in adrenaline and cortisol
that my stressed-out mother was producing while she was lying in a hospital bed
for four and a half months, worrying about losing her baby.
My HPA Axis - the body's central stress response system - hypothalamus, pituitary, adrenal axis,
was probably more sensitive to stressful experiences as a result,
meaning my baseline was already set toward threat before I'd taken my first breath.
Learning to control my inner and outer environments when I was very young,
and then to suppress my emotions,
meant that I wasn't healthily expressing myself, or teaching my system that the world was safe.