It’s The Lever –
The Beginning and The End.
As a High Achiever, it’s Your Identity that’s gotten you to where you are today.
If you haven’t found what you are looking for, and you are unhappy in life, feel empty, unfulfilled,
it makes sense that changing your identity is the answer.
Most coaches teach identity as the destination.
Change your thinking, habits, and behaviour.
Get different results.
Then, eventually, you’ll become a different person, and I disagree.
12 years ago – after investing thought into it,
I worked out that this isn’t how you create the life you’ve been wanting to live for years.
Identity isn’t the prize at the end of the process.
It’s the lever that starts it,
and
who you become at the end.
I’ve discussed trauma many times,
adverse childhood experiences,
negative life experiences, epigenetics, and how
your system is primed before birth.
Along with the conditioning by parents, siblings, peers, teachers, and society.
What might be called similar experiences affect you differently from your friend(s) or sibling(s) because your build-up is unique.
It’s why I’ve discussed not setting out to quit drinking alcohol or resolve my trauma.
I didn’t ever feel traumatised, or believe I had a “drink problem”, the issues I had were inside.
The problem, as most perceived it, was allowing me to regulate with others in a preferred environment;
This gave my system the space it needed; otherwise, I would have exploded,
which would have been detrimental to my goal.
I wasn’t being pushed out of my business; the war inside and out was escalating,
and this was the brake that stopped me from taking ACTION.
The ACTION I was discussing taking due to having lived in a state of sympathetic dominance,
then functional freeze for so long, fighting for control of my own life, would have ended in front of a judge.
I’d put up with a narcissist and his flying monkey manipulating and gaslighting for years… stuck in triangulation…
They almost completely destroyed my relationship with my father and mother, and this was devastating.
They’d dismantled my support system. I believe they knew what they were doing, and they weren’t stopping.
In 2014, after the ICU, neither was I, just because I’d almost died, it didn’t mean my state had changed.
Don’t listen to the mainstream; judge yourself for being angry, stressed, frustrated, unable to sleep, or needing mechanisms to find balance in your system.
To my nervous system, my business partner didn’t care if I was alive or not.
Stress, Anxiety, Frustration, Insecurities
Insomnia and Mechanisms, over time, become destructive.
It’s what you do with that energy that matters,
because you are investing vast amounts of energy into living in this state of being.
This is why I started with IDENTITY, changed it in an instant, then lived into it.
Become a Person Who Didn’t Have the Issues.
If I wanted to take control of the business and rebuild important relationships,
I would have to approach myself, others, and life differently.
This is a very different process, and I’m living proof it isn’t academic.
Rebuilding the relationship with my parents has brought a great deal of joy to us all.
Walking along the City Walls with My Father and Our Puppy on a recent trip to York
York Minster in the Background.
It was clear I had many unresolved emotional issues; for example, I’d been angry for far too long.
That I’d lived in overdrive all my life, always on, doing, never able to be still.
Where Insight and reframing are useful tools,
they’re not the resolution… using your intelligence to override your body must stop.
The safety you want to feel is in your body.
Your system adapted over time to help you survive.
It’s flexible, it’ll adapt to help you move forward, and create a new life.
A rigid process – blueprint – is outdated.
It doesn’t serve you; it serves the coach.
I’ve seen this many times;
You didn’t follow the plan,
that’s why it didn’t work.
In my process, you’re the BLUEPRINT, and it’s why I’ve moved away from the concept of coaching.
Coach suggests being above someone else; we are equals, working together in a co-creative team.
A human system architect helps you build the life you want, drawing from experience, lived and learned.
What do you need – who must you become?
When you change your IDENTITY
You must experience growth on all levels
Nervous system, Mindset,
Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual.
Change the story you’re telling yourself,
and accept your autonomic nervous system
is the foundation.
Balance, Calmness, Peace, Aliveness, Purpose, Productivity,
Connection, Contentment, and Fulfillment,
without losing your edge.
The Conscious Edge | Insight