As a High Achiever,
it’s natural that you want more.
Balance. Calmness. Peace. Aliveness. Purpose.
You already know material gain is just a metric,
the business, career, cars, homes, and clothes.
As high achievers,
we are masters at masking what’s happening
in our lives and how we truly feel.
Your system is adaptable, intelligent.
Over time, it normalises your state of being,
the way you think, act, and feel.
Stress, low-level anxiety, frustration, insecurity
become familiar – the baseline…
From there, a loop forms.
Insomnia and coping mechanisms
don’t sit outside the system.
They are part of the loop.
What used to be an enjoyable
activity or substance
slowly becomes required.
Alcohol. Exercise. Music. Social media.
Sex. Shopping. Speed.Travel. Work.
Let’s not forget:
Breathwork.
Cold water immersion (ice baths).
Meditation.
Yoga.
Before I go any further, I’m not in the
You Must STOP DOING THESE THINGS, Camp.
That isn’t coaching.
That’s one high performer
telling another what’s best for them.
I wouldn’t accept it – I still don’t.
So why should you?
It’s a decision you must make,
as you create your own vision
of the person you must become
to live the life you deeply want to live.
That’s identity.
Being a high achiever usually means
access to more resources…
…internal and external.
This allows you to do more.
The photograph was taken
at a bar in New Zealand – I was 30.
On my third British & Irish Lions trip in 2025.
I was enjoying myself with my friends,
thousands of miles away from a life
that was in a spiral for decades…
…my whole life.
I’d lost my sense of purpose.
The pressure was mounting.
Driven by adrenaline and cortisol, sugar,
alcohol, constant stimulation,
functional,
controlling, forcing, proving.
Dying inside.
Embedded in a toxic business environment,
unhealthy partners, manipulation,
a physiological, psychological, systemic war.
In business, relationships, romantically,
in my nervous system.
There was no way I’d be pushed out of my
business… or bow to the collaborative.
I was conscious enough to function
and keep going,
unconscious to what was driving me.
Why I was behaving the way I was,
what it was doing to my body, brain
and nervous system.
I stayed – adapted – endured.
This was my long term plan…
…at 40 my whole system collapsed.
For the first week of the trip, I didn’t drink…
As soon as I did decide to drink,
I slipped back into my old identity.
Same pace – rhythm – look at me doing what I can do mask pressed firmly back in place.
This wasn’t weakness.
It was regulation, working exactly as designed.
In the company of those friends,
my nervous system could relax.
That was co-regulation.
It wasn’t automatically scanning for threat
in the way it usually did – Neuroception.
When my autonomic nervous system
sensed safety, my mind quietened.
The need to use intelligence,
control, cognition, diminished.
For a while, self-regulation felt effortless,
because it was being supported externally.
This was never about alcohol…
… I had many different mechanisms.
Alcohol though, is chemical stress,
used to buffer emotional stress,
inside a body already carrying physical stress.
All connected – All compounding.
One loop.
That’s why focusing only on
alcohol, or coping mechanisms
misses the point.
It treats the symptom, not the system.
I know this because I lived it,
understand it because I was inside it.
I didn’t come out the other side
by stopping one or two behaviours.
I came out by rebuilding self-regulation
and changing the identity
that required the loop to function.
If this resonates, the question isn’t
what should I stop doing?
It’s:
Where am I outsourcing regulation?
What identity is holding that loop in place,
and who do I need to become
for balance, calmness, peace, aliveness,
and purpose to be
intrinsic rather than borrowed?
The Conscious Edge | Reset | Insight